"The Night Hank WIlliams Died"

Tonight, "The Night Hank Williams Died" opens at 8:00 p.m. This play, which is put on by the theater group that I am part of, Red Ink Productions at First Free Church (Performances for "Hank" at: Berwyn and Ashland, Thurs., Fri., Sat. nights at 8, Sundays at 2 until April 30, 2006) and which features Scott in the lead role of Thurmond Stottle, is set in 1952 Texas and is controversial and intense, among other things. But I am so excited about it! First of all, because I am proud of Scott's hard work for this play...he's such a great actor and I love watching him on stage. Secondly, because I get to go to a benefit dinner tonight and eat Texan food. Mmmmm. Barbeque and peach cobbler...among my favorite foods! :) Thirdly, because I know that the cast and crew have endured some seriously difficult days leading up to this because of some serious spiritual warfare, and have trusted and prayed and have gotten past them to be ready to put the show on tonight. I'm so excited for them to have made it this far!
The show is bittersweet for me, however, because I auditioned for a part in it, and was not cast. I had an especially difficult time with this one, because I believe that I really rocked the audition and deserved the part. The director disagreed (not a big fan of his right now), so no play for me. This makes tonight, and all the nights that I will see it, especially difficult. It's hard to put aside your feelings and see things objectively, and this is a situation where I am going to have a hard time doing that. I'm sure that the show will be great, and God has used my time away from the play in amazing ways, so I know that it was His plan for me to step back and be used elsewhere. But to know that it could've (and maybe should've) been me up there is defeating and humiliating in so many ways. People at church recently have been asking me why I chose not to be in the play this year, they assume it's because I'm busy with other things. I am busy with other things, so I let them assume that, because I'm too embarrassed to say that I didn't make it. It's hard enough to deal with rejection on a private level, but to put it out there for everyone to see is difficult. So I will go and be supportive, and even volunteer. But there will be a silent, hurting place in my heart that will not let go of me until after the lights go dark on this production.
So my best wishes, prayers and thoughts go out to the cast and crew of "Hank". They're going to rock their audiences, and stir up some much needed discussion among Christians and non-Christians alike. They are amazing, hard-working people and I am so happy for them. But I will hold my breath inside until the final curtain on the final day. Then, hopefully, there will be healing.