Pain and the Godfather's advice

Have you ever noticed that when you are experiencing emotional pain, you are sideswiped by the physical effects of pain, as well? Isn't that a bit weird? Well, I guess it would have to be like that, because what exactly is emotional pain? Can your emotions feel pain? Nope. Your body (physical self) suffers the consequences of your emotional upheaval. I remember when I was younger, I used to read these tear-jerker books (people always dying or breaking up...don't ask me why, I just did...I think that makes me morbid or something), and I used to know that I was really connected to the book, and feeling the emotions of the characters, because I would cry, and then the tips of my fingers would start to ache. It was like there was so much emotional weight that my body didn't know how to handle it, so my brain would send the message to my nerves that my body was in pain, and my nerves would be like, "Okay, pain NOW, wherever we can get it!" It goes to show that I was always a really focused and involved reader, and that I feel things very deeply, even things that don't affect me personally. It is this trait that helps me to be a good social worker, I think. I have a heart for the pain of others that can transcend my rational thinking by a long shot. I had a patient last week that made me want to weep when she left, and I felt it again, that pain in my arms and fingers as I struggled to keep myself from showing my emotions. I've also noticed that I'll get headaches when I'm emotional. The most obvious sign, however, is exhaustion. It's as if my body decides to retreat, decides that fighting the intangible emotional enemy is too difficult, so it must regroup. It falls back, per say, and gathers all my energies to my core, to restore some equilibrium back in my system. I become fatigued, and want to crawl into bed and pull the comforter over me and not come out until I figure out how I can get past whatever it is. I have had a general state of exhaustion recently, and I know that it can be traced to a lack of sleep and an abundance of exercise. But I wonder sometimes if my body tells me things that my emotions cannot articulate. Is there something going on in my emotions that I have tuned out? Maybe I've tried to stifle things, and then they peep out when I am physically weaker. When that happens, it has the unfortunate effect of kicking you while you are down, because everything is so much more intense when you are tired to start out with.

Anyway, that's just what I was thinking about this morning. Emotions are not painful, but they cause the body physical pain and weakness. It's weird how we're all tied together like that. We can try our best to have one without the other, but it's just not going to happen. All we can do is allow ourselves the physical rest rest we need to deal with the emotional craziness. In "You've Got Mail," Tom Hanks as Joe Fox tells Meg Ryan as Kathleen Kelly, "The Godfather answers all of life's questions." and he tells her that she should follow the advice of the Godfather and "go to the mattresses" (or go to war). I have to say, war doesn't sound very good, but going to my mattress sure does. So maybe Joe Fox is right. I need sleep. And as for the advice, "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli"...I could really use a cannoli right now...