Top 10 Reasons to thank God that I am not Suri Cruise

10.) My life will not consist of someone saying, "Suri? What does that name mean?" and me replying "Actually, in Hebrew, it's a term that denotes expulsion, like 'Get out of here'. Apparently, my parents didn't want me right from the beginning."

9.) I will not have to ask my therapist for a nice hard chair, because I have a phobia of couches for some odd reason.

8.) I will not have to justify to the world that I actually exist after my parents hid me for months after my birth.

7.) I will not have to get into playground fights with Apple, Shiloh, and Kal-El defending my daddy.

6.) I will not have to see movie clips of my dad in his tighty-whiteys.

5.) I will not have to live my life in front of paparazzi cameras, and smile pretty while I am sold to the highest bidder...or at least the highest bidder I can get after Shiloh's pictures are taken.

4.) I will not have to look down on my dad when I am older and wonder how he can be so damn short and still have an ego that big.

3.) I will not have websites devoted to me with the name "Suri Cruise--The World's Most Unloved Child." (an actual website)

2.) I will never have to try acting just because my mom stilted her way through Batman Begins and my dad is a blockbuster star that can't conjure up a realistic emotion to save his life.

And the #1 reason to thank God that I am not Suri Cruise is...

1.) I will never, ever, EVER have to be brainwashed into Scientology!