Inventor Extraordinaire

In my next life, I'm going to be an inventor. Honestly, I don't believe in reincarnation, as I am one of those Christians who believe this is pretty much it until heaven, and then the whole new heaven and new earth business a ways down the road. But if I DID believe in reincarnation, if I were a Hindu perhaps, I would believe that in my next life, I would be an inventor.

Because I have so many things that I would like to see invented that I have no patience to sit around and figure out how to actually make them. Like a recliner that would be masqueraded as an office chair, so I could take cat naps in my office during lunch, and it would automatically snap back up into position whenever someone walked within 20 feet of my office or when my lunchtime was over (it would have to have a warning beep, so that I am not caught unaware and squashed like a pancake in an odd position). Like a headache injection that I could administer right into each of my temples that would have a novocaine-like effect for as long as I need it to. Like a horn for a Honda Civic that does not sound like a wee nuisance, but sounds like a mean, big, intimidating human being motoring through. Like an awake mist that would waft through my car on my drive home each night, saturating me with waking particles and forcing my mind out of dreary lethargy. Like a 6 hour a day job, so that I could get more sleep in the morning, but still leave before the sun sets. Like lanes of traffic on Lake Shore Drive that are reserved for Chicago residents, not tourists or suburbanites, that fly by all the curious, rowdy, but still oddly SLOW Cub partyers poking along each evening in the summer. Like comfortable high heels. REALLY comfortable. Ones that are secretly working out your legs and butt while you wear them, so you don't actually have to exercise.

All of these things, and many more brilliant ideas, are lurking in the deep recesses of my head. If you invent any of these things, I now warrant a kickback, as I can prove my blog occurred before you thought of them. I'll sue you, don't make me prove it...

In my next life, I'm going to be an inventor. It's too bad that I'll be too late to help me now...